By Katija Cortez
If you’ve ever thought that men just can’t seem to capitalize on the sex industry the same as women can, then think again.
This week I sat down with Markus Wolf, an international sex and dating coach, who has taken something that isn’t uncommon – his amazing abilities with the ladies – and managed to turn it into a global business. We hear from him on a professional level, to tell us all about the rapidly growing worldwide demand for sex and dating coaching, but also on a personal level on his own experience and dating life being a man working in the sex industry.
So, tell us a bit about yourself. What’s your business, your products, and services?
So, there is two sides to the business. The first part is dating coaching. This is mostly one on one coaching with students about all sorts of things such as confidence, how to pick up a girl at a club or spice things up with their girlfriends. However, the most lucrative part of the business is the sex coaching side. Now this part of the business is very… Full on *laughs*.
How so? Give us the nitty gritty.
Well… Outside the world of porn, which I don’t believe to be educational, there isn’t much sex help out there that isn’t verbal, or theory based. The issue with this is how do you take this theory and put it into practice? The sex coaching side of my business has a few elements. The first is an online course that features step-by-step videos on technique in the bedroom, from walking into the room with a girl, to consent, to how to kick things off, and ultimately how to pleasure a girl.
Think porn, except slowed down and with step-by-step narrations, including close ups, and guided demonstrations. One example, which is a popular thing I get asked, is how to make a girl squirt. So, there will be video demonstrations of me and a girl, narrated by both of us in a step-by-step demonstration on firstly, how to practically make her squirt, but also how to set it up and incorporate it in the bedroom.
Wow. That actually sounds awesome. I feel like a lot of us would just watch porn as a means of education, but people often don’t realize that it’s so different “off-camera.”
Exactly right. Porn is all about camera angles. It doesn’t teach consent, technique or even figuring out what a girl likes. No two girls are the same, so figuring out what each individual girl likes is a big part of the course. I even leave in all the bloopers. It’s all 100% natural, because these guys also need to see how to bounce back if something unexpected happens – what if she says she doesn’t like something, or something hurts, or your phone rings in the middle of it.
Unexpected things happen, so I leave it all in so that they can also see how to react and bounce back. It’s not faked up, ‘perfect’ scenarios like in porn. Now, there are some things you can watch and then mimic, but other things it’s really hard to put them into practice. So, to counter this, the second element to the sex coaching I offer is bi-annual retreats, which are 5-day intensive sex coaching workshops, including practical experience. I have a few girls that I collaborate with on these retreats who basically help these students out with confidence, techniques and the like.
Hang on, so this is actually like a sex school? These students get to practice on real girls?
Yes, to some extent, but it really is a lot more serious than it sounds. It isn’t just like a big orgy or something. It’s actually an extremely confronting environment. It’ll be me and around 6 students. An example of something we work through is that the students will practice dirty talking with the girl or maybe giving her a sensual massage, but it’s all done in a classroom like setting with real time feedback from myself and the girl.
It’s great because a lot of these guys have anxiety around girls, full stop. So even getting to practice eye contact or speaking dirty with girls is a big step. So, it goes from the very basic to more nuanced and advanced techniques and kink, but the idea is that at the end they’ll have the confidence and skills to make a girl’s night amazing.
Where do girls sign up for this? 5 days of being pleasured sounds like a great time to me! *Laughs*
It really is a lot of fun, and the girls have a great time. We offer a few smaller one-day workshops throughout the year as well, but of course the retreat is what everyone wants to go to.
So, I’m curious, in your one-on-one coaching sessions, what are the kinds of things that guys seek your advice on? Top 3 maybe?
Number one is performance issues – I can’t get hard, I can’t cum, I can’t last long, things like that. The second biggest category is around pleasure, so how to give a girl more pleasure, what other things can I do in the bedroom to make a more pleasurable experience for the girl. So, we will cover more than just penetrative sex. What are other things a guy can do to make a girl’s time more memorable, maybe tying her up, incorporating toys, things like that. The third biggest category is around people wanting to explore kink; understanding the girls’ fantasies, and the guys exploring their own.
So, I understand you had a different job prior to sex coaching. Can you tell us a bit about that? And what was the turning point that got you into the sex industry?
Yes, I was a nurse. I had just been broken up with by a long-term girlfriend. I had zero dating experience. I was actually really shy and awkward. So, I tried teaching myself by trial by fire. I would go out, try to meet and attract girls, and I’d do it often to practice my confidence and try to learn from it. Then one night out I met this guy, and he was so smooth with girls. His pick-up game was on point. I started talking to him and then found out that’s what he did for a living.
I started hanging out with him and learning from him, and after about six months I started becoming pretty good at it myself. Then all of a sudden, I started helping him coach his students. I was thinking about taking a bit of a break from nursing, and then at this time he asked me to come and help him out with the coaching business for a bit. So, in the beginning I took a leave from nursing to start working with him, fully intending on going back to nursing. Many years later and I’ve never gone back. Technically, I still am a nurse. Every year I re-register, you know, just in case I ever decide to go back *laughs*.
So, does your family know about what you do?
They think I’m a priest… Just kidding *laughs*. They know I do dating coaching. So, I say I work with men around dating, confidence, anxiety, these types of things. Which isn’t a lie. It is a part of what I do, but I’ve never told them about the sex coaching side of things. I do think I might soon though…
Really? So, you’re going to come out as a sex worker soon?
Yeah, I think I might.
Why, how, and when!? People probably don’t think that it’s as big of a deal for a guy as it is for a girl, so I’m interested to learn that it is.
Yeah, it is a big thing for me for sure. I just don’t want to be in a situation where they find out from someone else. Most of my extended family already knows… Because silly me forgot that I had some extended family members on social media, and they saw some questionable things on my stories *laughs*. So, someone could maliciously tell them one day, I don’t think anyone would, but I’d rather just avoid that if possible.
To be honest, I think they kind of might already have an idea… They’ve seen ropes in my bag before… So, I think they know I’m a little kinky *laughs* but so long as they don’t know the intricate details then I think they should be okay with it. Besides, being European, they’re always asking me when I’m getting married. There is a lot of that pressure, so they already know I’m not about that traditional way of living and do embrace a more alternative lifestyle. So, I think they’re somewhat already mentally prepared for it.
So, on the topic of marriage, do you date much? What’s your love life look like?
The way I think about it is I do date seriously, just not exclusively. So, often I think in society, when people say ‘serious’, they use that word interchangeable with ‘exclusive.’ So, when I say I’m seeing someone openly, people automatically assume it means it isn’t serious, it isn’t love, but each girl I have a different dynamic with. Just like how you have different dynamics with different friends.
I just have to ask, so with the girls you love, will you still be sleeping with other people?
Yes.
Will they be sleeping with other people?
I don’t mind if they do, but sometimes they don’t want to. It depends on the girl. I don’t have a double standard. I tell them they’re free to do what they want, and I completely mean that. Practically, what normally tends to happen is these girls will typically say I’m not interested in anyone else. Some girls I see work in the sex industry too, so they definitely will be sleeping with other people.
I don’t like labels, because each relationship will have different boundaries or rules that are specific to me and that person, which is how I think it should be for every relationship, even closed ones. No two people are the same, so I think every couple needs to have open communication about what is and isn’t okay. I know some people who think that even talking to the opposite sex is cheating, and that’s okay for them so long as they are upfront, open, and honest about it in their relationships.
What would be your one best piece of advice to any guy reading?
I have to give two. Number one is slow down. What I mean by that is most guys get super nervous in the bedroom. They move, breathe, and think too quickly. They don’t take time for foreplay. Just breathe, and slow down. Number two is to find out what the girl wants. Every girl is unique, every girl is different. If you take the time to find out exactly what she wants, then she is going to have an amazing time.
Even me, if I had sex with a girl, without asking what she wants, then that could potentially be a terrible experience for her. So, you need to find out what she likes, and try to accommodate as best you can. Of course, this work both ways. Also, try your best to respectfully communicate what you like. If you both communicate openly, then you’re going to have amazing sex.
Any final remarks to wrap up the interview?
The end goal is that I want everyone on the planet to be having amazing sex. I want a world where sex isn’t shamed, where people can explore kinks freely, and the world can be open about sex. That’s the dream.
Find Markus Wolf on Instagram – @markasswolf
Or checkout his weekly Podcast / Youtube – Sex with Mark & Kat
See more from our writer, Katija Cortez, on all the socials – @katijacortez including Twitter @katijacortez.