This is one of the most common questions I am asked and the short answer is you can’t. You can’t force or coerce your wife or partner into engaging in a kink that they just are not interested in. I can however give you some advice on how to introduce your partner to this kink in a way that increases the odds they will become interested in this very fun and very sexy niche.
The key to any successful relationship is communication. You will hear this time and time again from relationship coaches and it’s true! Taking the time out of your day to truly listen to your partners desires without interrupting or trying to force your own upon them is the first step. Once you understand what she wants in the bedroom it may be easier to find places where your kinks connect. Think about past behavior and your past actions. Have you always been jealous of other men or became angry when your partner expressed interest or spent time with members of the opposite sex? This can inhibit a healthy cuckold or hotwife relationship. If this has happened in the past you will have to do some work and a lot of explaining on how your outlook has changed. You will also have to work on your jealousy or risk damaging your relationship if your partner does decide to explore the hotwife or cuckold kink.
One of the easiest ways to bring up cuckolding or hotwifing is sharing sexual fantasies slowly increasing the kink level to ease her into the discussion. It’s ok if she doesn’t share everything the first time or is embarrassed, you have your whole relationship to delve deeper into things with her. Once you feel comfortable sharing with each other you can detail your fantasies to her. Focus on how sexy and attractive you find thinking of her with another man, avoid saying things like “I want you to be a slut,” or “you would be such a whore.” Many women have equated these words with shame and shame is the biggest inhibitor and mood killer for a beginner in kink. As women progress in kink they will become more comfortable with dirty talk but as with all good things this takes time.
Now that you’ve shared some fantasies with each other see if you can find some commonalities. Let’s your say your partner enjoys exhibitionism, you could start including discussion around other men watching her pleasure herself, or other men watching you pleasure her. If your partner is interested in being in more in control you could steer this into her being dominant over you and how that could be incorporated in your day to day activities. For some women being submissive is a big turn on so you might want to do the opposite. Think of some subtle ways that you can incorporate her submission into day to day life. Once you have some shared fantasies it will be much easier to start becoming more risque.
One of my favorite beginner cuckold activities was to talk about men I found attractive, now for some people it is better to talk about famous men vs. men that are actually in their lives to avoid unintended jealousy. It’s alright if the talk is not centered around sex at first, slow and steady does win the race after all. Eventually you can start talking about what you would like to see the men do to her and what she would want to do with them. Once you are both comfortable you may want to move to anonymous chat services or even Tinder to start up some sexy conversations. This is where your partner may want to take the lead. Remember if you are uncomfortable having your partner chat with another man it will be very difficult to have her be comfortable being physically intimate with them. Chatting and sending pictures back and forth is a wonderful and safe cuckold outlet. You can even advertise that you are a cuckold couple looking for a Bull — there are many men out here who are really interested in being the focus of attention for cuckold couples. Don’t worry if you are at this step for a while or if you never progress. We need to be grateful that our partners are expanding their horizons and exploring their sexual desires with us.
Once you’ve both explored cuckolding virtually you may want to start in person meetups. Fetlife, dating apps, chatrooms etc. are all appropriate means to meet someone as long as you are upfront with what you want. No one wants to show up to a meet and greet and be surprised the husband is there. I prefer to find my own partners but some women who are more submissive prefer their husband to have a hand in picking the lucky Bull. Again if the thought of your wife talking to a man without you looking over her shoulder bothers you or if you are worried she may continue the relationship without your knowledge you need to reevaluate your own readiness as well as your readiness as a couple to proceed. Cuckolding and hotwifing are immensely rewarding but will be much less so if you don’t have the level of trust and communication to maintain a healthy relationship. In person meets should always take place in a neutral safe location, a discussion regarding boundaries and consent needs to take place and as always a current STI check is advised. You are now ready to have your first cuckold or hotwife experience! Enjoy yourself, don’t rush things and stay safe. Keep in mind reconnection with your partner, reassurance, and physical connection are all part of aftercare. Let your partner know how grateful you are that you’ve come this far together and how lucky you are to be with them. This is the start of a beautiful thing!
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